(2:37:25 PM) Stupid Kayla: hey
(2:45:05 PM) DySleeper: sup
(2:45:07 PM) DySleeper: merry christmas
(2:45:12 PM) DySleeper: and also happy hannukah
(2:48:08 PM) Stupid Kayla: nuttin
(2:50:07 PM) DySleeper: still in the hospital?
(2:50:10 PM) DySleeper: is your doctor named house
(2:50:35 PM) Stupid Kayla: no im at home
(2:51:48 PM) DySleeper: ah
(2:51:53 PM) DySleeper: did they kick you out for impudence?
(2:54:28 PM) Stupid Kayla: no
(2:55:03 PM) DySleeper: ah
(2:55:09 PM) DySleeper: so why’d they let you go?
(2:55:14 PM) DySleeper: Good behaviour?
(2:58:31 PM) Stupid Kayla: bc
(2:58:45 PM) DySleeper: British Columbia?
(2:58:50 PM) DySleeper: Before Christ?
(2:58:54 PM) DySleeper: Bok Choi?
(3:00:51 PM) Stupid Kayla: wtf
(3:03:38 PM) DySleeper: so why did they send you home
(3:03:43 PM) DySleeper: it’s a pretty straightforward question
(3:03:55 PM) DySleeper: probably has a simple 10 word answer
(3:04:01 PM) DySleeper: see if you can do it in ten words or less
(3:04:44 PM) DySleeper: correction: ten words or fewer
(3:04:47 PM) Stupid Kayla: bc y do i need 2 be in the hospital
(3:05:04 PM) DySleeper: well let’s do a little summary
(3:05:21 PM) DySleeper: last summer you twisted up your knee playing basket ball
(3:05:37 PM) DySleeper: then you went for several surgeries to correct it
(3:05:55 PM) DySleeper: all of which were rendered useless by the fact that you can’t keep your knee brace on for more than ten minutes at a time
(3:06:19 PM) DySleeper: these surgeries caused you to develop some kind of infection that interferes with the normal function of your heart
(3:06:58 PM) DySleeper: you have flatlined at least 5 times in the time that i’ve ‘known’ you
(3:07:24 PM) DySleeper: and now you are pregnant with the child of a ‘doctor’ whom you have known for less than a year
(3:07:39 PM) DySleeper: and you have been having some bleeding and worries about a miscarriage
(3:08:05 PM) DySleeper: So I think the reason you need to go the hospital likely has something to do with getting your wisdom teeth removed
(3:08:11 PM) DySleeper: That’s the logical next step
(3:09:45 PM) Stupid Kayla: i had those out like my freshman yr of hs
(3:09:59 PM) DySleeper: Are you sure?
(3:10:01 PM) DySleeper: Check
(3:10:07 PM) DySleeper: Maybe they’re putting them back in
(3:10:08 PM) Stupid Kayla: yea im sure
(3:10:15 PM) DySleeper: Because you could clearly do with a little wisdom at this point
(3:10:25 PM) Stupid Kayla: wat!
(3:10:42 PM) Stupid Kayla: im fine y do i need 2 b in the hospital
(3:11:01 PM) DySleeper: The strain has broken you
(3:11:09 PM) Stupid Kayla: wtf
(3:11:33 PM) DySleeper: do you remember any of those things happening
(3:11:37 PM) DySleeper: the stuff i mentioned above there
(3:12:49 PM) Stupid Kayla: so wat does that hav 2 do w. it
(3:16:40 PM) DySleeper: so is that a no?
(3:16:50 PM) DySleeper: Do you honestly have no recollection of the last 16 months?
(3:16:59 PM) DySleeper: You have no idea why you should be in the hospital?
(3:17:06 PM) Stupid Kayla: y no
(3:17:09 PM) Stupid Kayla: w
(3:19:01 PM) Stupid Kayla: theres nuttin wrong w. me now
(3:19:45 PM) DySleeper: are you still pregnant?
(3:20:12 PM) Stupid Kayla: yea
(3:21:18 PM) DySleeper: Does your heart still give up in despair every twenty minutes or so?
(3:21:30 PM) DySleeper: If I were your heart, I would have walked off the job years ago.
(3:21:59 PM) DySleeper: Were you aware that in ancient times, people considered the brain to be an organ used to cool the blood?
(3:22:09 PM) DySleeper: Do you think yours is even that useful?
(3:22:23 PM) Stupid Kayla: ur mean
(3:23:06 PM) DySleeper: And you’re stupid
(3:23:09 PM) DySleeper: We should elope
(3:23:58 PM) Stupid Kayla: wtf
(3:25:32 PM) Stupid Kayla: i dont need to be in the hospital tho
(3:29:46 PM) Stupid Kayla: KAYLA”S HEART JUST STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!!
(3:45:31 PM) DySleeper: yep
(3:45:47 PM) DySleeper: old joke
(3:45:49 PM) DySleeper: gj fgt
(3:57:06 PM) DySleeper: I have turned on the applause sign
(3:57:11 PM) DySleeper: The crowd is on its feet
(3:58:05 PM) Stupid Kayla: it’s not funny
(3:58:31 PM) DySleeper: oh but it is
(3:58:41 PM) Stupid Kayla: i’m super worried that she’s going to loose the baby
(3:58:52 PM) DySleeper: You mean like put it in a handbag
(3:58:55 PM) DySleeper: In the left luggage office
(3:58:59 PM) DySleeper: of Fenchurch Station?
(3:59:07 PM) Stupid Kayla: no like have a miscarriage.
(3:59:23 PM) DySleeper: in Fenchurch station, though?
(3:59:26 PM) DySleeper: this is important
(3:59:45 PM) Stupid Kayla: do you relize how serious it is?
(4:00:29 PM) DySleeper: I don’t think you realise the gravity of the situation here, Jaime
(4:00:42 PM) DySleeper: You are clearly ignorant of the importance of my query.
(4:01:04 PM) DySleeper: Of the words in those two sentences, how many did you understand immediately and how many will you have to go look up later?
(4:01:14 PM) DySleeper: Also, does her heart stop when she’s not talking to me?
(4:01:27 PM) DySleeper: Is it some special thing tied into the laptop she uses?
(4:01:45 PM) Stupid Kayla: no her heart just stopped last night.
(4:01:46 PM) DySleeper: I picture it as being similar to Saw
(4:02:04 PM) DySleeper: Where there is a device wired to her heart that triggers it to stop whenever she talks to me
(4:02:13 PM) DySleeper: Maybe it’s tied to the stock market
(4:02:20 PM) DySleeper: Does she have a pacemaker?
(4:02:55 PM) Stupid Kayla: no
(4:03:02 PM) DySleeper: That’s probably for the best
(4:03:09 PM) Stupid Kayla: i keep telling them to give her one.
(4:03:14 PM) DySleeper: I don’t imagine that she would ever eat hot food if it weren’t for microwaves.
(4:03:24 PM) DySleeper: Man, why don’t the doctors listen to you? You seem like an intelligent young man
(4:03:29 PM) DySleeper: oh I’m sorry
(4:03:33 PM) DySleeper: That was in the wrong window
(4:03:35 PM) DySleeper: I meant to say
(4:03:38 PM) DySleeper: You’re an idiot.
(4:03:53 PM) DySleeper: You two deserve each other.
(4:04:07 PM) DySleeper: I hope your child has an IQ the sum total of that of the two of you.
(4:04:19 PM) DySleeper: Because then he or she stands a pretty decent chance of making ‘moron’ status.
(4:04:32 PM) DySleeper: Tell me, were you ever in special ed for eating things that aren’t meant to be eaten?
(4:04:40 PM) DySleeper: Crayons, pencils, battleships?
(4:04:40 PM) Stupid Kayla: no
(4:05:20 PM) DySleeper: Maybe that’s the problem
(4:05:25 PM) DySleeper: Not enough iron in the diet
(4:05:30 PM) DySleeper: (or wax, for that matter)
(4:05:32 PM) Stupid Kayla: she needs to be in the hospital
(4:05:39 PM) DySleeper: Take two Destroyers and call me in the morning
(4:05:48 PM) DySleeper: Earth to Jaime: She’d prefer to die.
(4:05:55 PM) DySleeper: You’re not even trying any more
(4:06:02 PM) Stupid Kayla: NO! i am not letting her die
(4:06:06 PM) DySleeper: There was a long while where you would talk about interesting things.
(4:06:25 PM) DySleeper: I think the kindest thing you could do at this point is give her 300 lbs of chocolate
(4:06:28 PM) DySleeper: and let her eat herself to death
(4:06:31 PM) DySleeper: It’s humane
(4:06:38 PM) DySleeper: by comparison to what you’re doing now
(4:06:42 PM) Stupid Kayla: she has my baby
(4:06:53 PM) DySleeper: where does she have it?
(4:06:59 PM) Stupid Kayla: in her stomach
(4:07:05 PM) DySleeper: ew she eats babies?
(4:07:20 PM) Stupid Kayla: ok this is serious time
(4:07:35 PM) Stupid Kayla: will you please just help me talk her into going to the hospital
(4:08:05 PM) DySleeper: SERIOUS TIME
(4:08:07 PM) DySleeper: FOR SERIOUS DUDES
(4:08:09 PM) DySleeper: LIKE YOU AND ME
(4:08:13 PM) DySleeper: AND ALSO KAYLA
(4:08:16 PM) DySleeper: SHE IS ALSO A SERIOUS DUDE
(4:08:22 PM) DySleeper: YOU CAN TELL I’M SERIOUS BECAUSE I’M USING ALL CAPS
(4:08:45 PM) Stupid Kayla: she needs to be in the hospital tilll she has the baby
(4:09:00 PM) Stupid Kayla: her body can’t handle having a kid right now.
(4:09:11 PM) DySleeper: You should have thought of that before you had sex
(4:09:17 PM) DySleeper: way to go, medicine man
(4:09:26 PM) Stupid Kayla: we used a condom
(4:09:32 PM) DySleeper: where did you wear it?
(4:09:39 PM) DySleeper: They don’t work if you put them over your ear.
(4:09:46 PM) Stupid Kayla: on my penis where it belongs
(4:09:57 PM) DySleeper: nothing belongs on your penis
(4:10:08 PM) Stupid Kayla: and she was on birth control.
(4:10:09 PM) DySleeper: least of all other people
(4:10:23 PM) DySleeper: and how effective is birth control
(4:10:25 PM) DySleeper: and condoms?
(4:10:36 PM) DySleeper: CLEARLY NOT EFFECTIVE ENOUGH
(4:10:40 PM) DySleeper: you know what you need to do
(4:10:42 PM) DySleeper: go back in time
(4:10:48 PM) DySleeper: and castrate yourself
(4:10:53 PM) DySleeper: or even do it now
(4:10:57 PM) DySleeper: but back in time would be better
(4:12:04 PM) DySleeper: Preemptive, sorta thing
(4:12:08 PM) DySleeper: Anyway I have to go
(4:12:19 PM) DySleeper: Try not to impregnate anybody else while I’m gone, okay?
(4:12:25 PM) Stupid Kayla: will you please help me first
(4:12:27 PM) DySleeper: I don’t think the world could take it
(4:12:45 PM) Stupid Kayla: she needs to be in the hospital
(4:13:44 PM) DySleeper: Dear Jaime,
Kayla will not listen to me. She will not listen to you. All exterior sound is drowned out by the whistling of the wind in the echo-y cavernous chamber of her skull. You should look at getting a hinge installed at the back of her head so you can keep stuff in there.
With very, very little regard,
DySleeper
(4:14:14 PM) Stupid Kayla: she might
(4:14:27 PM) Stupid Kayla: it worth trying than having her die
(4:14:35 PM) DySleeper: No, I don’t believe that it is.
(4:14:39 PM) DySleeper: I have a party to go to.
(4:14:49 PM) DySleeper: I’m pretty sure that my time is more valuable than her life.
(4:14:55 PM) DySleeper: I might have to check into that, though.
(4:14:58 PM) Stupid Kayla: no it isnt
(4:15:06 PM) DySleeper: Yep
(4:15:14 PM) DySleeper: I get paid in the neighbourhood of !
(4:15:14 PM) Stupid Kayla: she needs to be in the hospital
(4:15:17 PM) DySleeper: $17/hour
(4:15:18 PM) Stupid Kayla: she’s dying
(4:15:25 PM) DySleeper: and the $2 of time that it would take me to talk to her
(4:15:29 PM) DySleeper: Is not worth it at all.
(4:15:39 PM) DySleeper: Turns out there is a price on human life.
(4:15:46 PM) DySleeper: It’s about $0.40 per pound
(4:15:47 PM) Stupid Kayla: she needs help
(4:15:49 PM) DySleeper: Wholesale
(4:15:55 PM) Stupid Kayla: why can’t you ever be serious
(4:15:56 PM) DySleeper: I’ve been saying that for months.
(4:16:00 PM) Stupid Kayla: she needs help
(4:16:14 PM) DySleeper: Brain transplant. It’s the only way.
(4:16:27 PM) Stupid Kayla: You’re not funny
(4:16:33 PM) Stupid Kayla: she is actually really smart!
(4:19:32 PM) DySleeper: If she were smart she wouldn’t be in this situation.
(4:19:33 PM) Stupid Kayla: do actually care about her or not
(4:19:52 PM) DySleeper: And if she were to find herself in this situation through some outside means, she would be smart enough to know what’s good for her.
(4:19:56 PM) Stupid Kayla: she can’t help i got her pregnant
(4:19:59 PM) DySleeper: Only for her entertainment value
(4:20:06 PM) DySleeper: Sure she can. She could have kept her legs shut
(4:20:25 PM) DySleeper: I hope you didn’t give her your syphillis, too.
(4:20:37 PM) DySleeper: Because the world doesn’t need any more syphillis.
(4:20:38 PM) Stupid Kayla: i do not have any STDs
(4:20:50 PM) DySleeper: When was the last time you were tested?
(4:21:02 PM) Stupid Kayla: i few months ago
(4:21:23 PM) DySleeper: Were you aware that STD tests are not 100% accurate?
(4:21:28 PM) DySleeper: Way to go, she’s going to hate you
(4:21:35 PM) DySleeper: because you gave her syphillis.
(4:21:39 PM) DySleeper: What a jerk you are.
(4:22:04 PM) Stupid Kayla: im just going to give her my heart then
(4:22:11 PM) DySleeper: no no
(4:22:14 PM) DySleeper: that also has syphillis
(4:22:25 PM) Stupid Kayla: no do not have syphillis
(4:22:29 PM) Stupid Kayla: i have no stds
(4:22:29 PM) DySleeper: the gift that keeps on giving